(no subject)

[rationalizations]

QUESTION MEME FOR YUKI SALAMANDER

Comments

[tweedledumber]

would you do an inner workings thing on this thread now that i am at pc and can link it

I (still) need to come back and finish this later

[rationalizations]

FOR THE START OF THE THREAD he was very much like. distracted/out of it/conflicted about a lot of things which Zwei correctly keyed into. He WAS genuine when he said he was glad Chipmunk won, but he was so in his head about things that part of him was a bit like, maybe I shouldn't be that happy about it?? Because for him he does feel like the result was his personal preference (Salamander, Chipmunk, Snail, Finch win) and so there's a part of him that wondered if he should feel guilty... It is hard to explain the place he was at in terms of his thoughts at this point (though he also did his best to articulate it later in the thread) because he had a lot of contradictory thoughts and feelings and couldn't get straight what out of it was what he WANTED to think or feel.

He was sort of in an awkward in-between position of how to act towards her because he like... was okay with Zwei knowing he was stuck in his head but just naturally doesn't know how to broach that kind of conversation or admit to it lol. Especially since he didn't feel like he was that upset or that he had any real reason to be that upset compared to other people, so everything he said that sort of downplayed his own situation was also genuine, like yeah we're fine, we didn't get hurt, yeah we just hit Mouse to survive and it's not like it was a bad choice. SO LIKE... OBVIOUSLY HE WASN'T TRYING TO HIDE THAT HE WAS FEELING MOODY AND OUT OF SORTS but he was still happy that Zwei picked up on it because he knew he wasn't expressing it clearly. Zwei is not someone he expects to be super emotionally adept lol, and Yuki is someone who is used to not being understood, so even just the small 'you don't seem okay' LIKE NOT THAT HE NEVER WOULD HAVE EXPECTED HER TO PICK UP ON IT, IT WASN'T SHOCKING, but it was nice that she did. The fact that it wasn't surprising also is nice, that he already felt like she could get him in a way

what it says on the tin,

HE ALSO GOT A LITTLE SELF-CONSCIOUS THOUGH about the fact that the way everyone else talks about Zwei to him is so different from what she's like with him. which is why he said 'you don't have to' immediately after because he started to feel a little like maybe she felt like she needed to put on a good face for him or like he wouldn't like her 'real face' or anything like that... but he's also someone who feels better about himself when he's pushing himself to improve, so to speak, so he did consider that side of things too. As he was spelling it out to her aloud he kind of circled around in his head from feeling kind of left out because he knows a different Zwei from other people to feeling kind of special that he gets to know a Zwei that other people might not know,